he killed me

my voice

 

he laughed

in the face of God

 

my silence

a void

of laughter

once filled

with brightness

 

a voice

I once called

my own.

 

mute

broken body

 

he sees

he creates

me

this disfigured

soul

filled with anger

hate

 

my father cries

to me

his hurt

at my terror-stricken

eyes

 

he just wanted a hug

to comfort

to protect

 

yet

I became

an animal

striking out

with cold words

to any man

I saw

or heard.

 

Never mind if they

were kind

 

I

simply saw

them

for

Man

 

Man

became

him

 

he who beat me

down

 

he who choked me

out

 

he who shut me

up

 

he laughed

in the face of God

 

who proved to be

useless

 

if God exists

I cried

I want no part in

it

 

If God exists

I admitted

I hate

it

 

If God

then I’d rather

not

 

God

I prayed

if you’re there

if you’re listening

Fuck you

I hate you

 

God

if I could

if you were real

I would like

to kill you

 

I cried

in the face of God

 

fury

hate

they won the day

 

he won

as he had killed

me

and thus

killed

God

 

he laughed

in the face of God

 

he may have killed

me

 

destroyed

me

 

but

 

I am not so easy

to erase

 

laughing still

in the face of God

 

he stands

a beautiful woman

next to him

holding a child

 

and I realize

how much

of a monster

I’ve become

 

so I start

to write it out

 

try to let go

 

and God

 

if you exist

if you’re real

 

Fuck you

 

I

don’t know

 

But one day

I’ll laugh

too.

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