When I was a child, I wrote many stories, and I was quite insistent that I would never publish. (As if anyone was offering). I was of the view that published writers were ‘sell outs’ and that the idea of someone having to pay to read my stories was disturbing. (I am of a much different state of mind now).

During these young years, I came up with many ideas which are still dear to me even now. One such idea, was a story I originally called ‘Elf Island’ (which I wrote on a small notebook with blue sheets of paper), and was part of a mythos I do not understand or remember now. Some of the reasons this story is still important to me is: -the setting (a dream like place -made up predominantly of forest), the idea, and some of the characters would continue to be dear to me (no matter how old I become).

Crystal is a character in these stories, but she doesn’t last long. My first year at NYMA summer school (I turned 12 there), I had a roommate named Ize. She was Japanese, and insisted that in Japan cigarettes were good for a person’s health. Also, she, along with Wynter, and others helped set me up with Mac (a boy who wrote a letter asking me out- because he was scared to ask me in person). Once, she pretended to be possessed by a ghost and claimed that her name was Crystal, and freaked me out.

I stopped caring or understanding the character after that.

But for some reason when I was 16- Summer of ’05- I had a nightmare (Is that what it is called?) and Crystal locked me in the bathroom of our flat in NYC (my family’s). It was strange and quite real, which has always confused me a great deal.)

The Elf Island stories surround these ideas: There are a group of children who are all great friends, and are interested in faeries, and such things. They make a blood pact to find and know all things, and to never betray each other. Somehow they end up on Elf Island/ or as it is now – a dreamscape made predominantly of greenery. (I had yet to read Lord of the Flies- but still it hurts to know how unoriginal I can be). I think, Skylar was a character in this story, as well.- Which is funny, as all the characters that are still with me- have become sidelined -they are minor characters now. Vesper is now a blind history teacher, and Twilight is still major to me and is a student at the Academy.

The Twilight series of books upsets me, or it sort of annoys me. Simply because as my sister so kindly put it- Now that Twilight is out you have to change her name- or else, people will think she is a commentary on your feelings about that series, etc. She is right, of course. But Twilight is a character that has been with me almost as long as Stella Klamath – (who was easy to dispose of once I noticed the many similarities with the Harry Potter franchise). Stella was my Heracles, but Harry Potter came first- even though it didn’t- and I don’t understand Stella anymore. And more importantly her name is very corny, and that is still her name- I cannot rename her.

Twilight has been with me since (at least) 3rd Grade (when I went to Cooper then Callison- and I was friends? with Angie- who said she could communicate with supernatural beings- and was always raving about Bloody Mary and her dogs, and little girls on bicycles with speaking dolls). She has changed over the course of the years. She used to be my version of outside eyes, but slowly as I took a stronger interest in her character she started to warp into what she is now.

Vesper (when I was a child) was blind sometimes and other times not. She was covered in scars/knife wounds, and mostly was my way of explaining to myself fate and how to escape and what the consequence would be, etc.

Stella (once I stopped thinking of her as my own personal hero) soon had red eyes and stringy dirty hair, and was usually sitting on a chair, tormenting people or being some sort of strange twisted monster. -It never worked out all that much because I am not very good with horror.

When I was in North Country (8th grade, in the Adirondacks, at the age of 12), I came up with the Dark Child series idea. The main character was the Dark Child- a changeling who had never been recollected by those who replaced her there. She could not go to church or be near anyone when they prayed. She wore a cross necklace- which burned her skin where it touched her (but she still never took it off). (My godfather gave me a gold cross necklace when I was in middle school- I asked for the other necklace which he gave my older sister- I didn’t want it because the moment I put it on – I rolled my eyes at the whole Dark Child idea- This is most likely because I do not base my main stories and characters off anyone, and definitely not me, and I do not want anyone to think that). There was a mirror she looked into when she dressed, and sometimes Bloody Mary would speak to her from it. The whole lady in the mirror shouting in a raspy voice: ‘You are not one of us, etc.’ -I think her words are pretty corny looking back on that now.

Dark Child was still dear to me for a while, though, as when I was in North Country

(8th grade) I still was trying to find some way of writing her down. (Maybe I still will find ways of writing them all down?)

(North Country- I was burned after gripping a steel support? when we were steaming maple syrup? sap in a steel vat to make maple syrup? My palms were immediately covered in Aloe sap, as the dorm parent always carried it with her in her bag. (she had a firs-aid kit always at hand). While my hands were being treated, I asked to call my parents, and was denied permission. Eventually, as the days went by, I freaked out a little more. Finally, I shouted and claimed to be insane and they kicked me out saying I had withheld my medical history and that they would never have accepted me had they known. (cue eye roll here). I read the Crystal Cave? – about Merlin from the King Arthur saga- while I waited for my parents to pick me up. Mom and Dad were very angry with me- which they had every right to be- I should not have been so quick and easy to slander myself as a way to get out of tough situations- but that is how I managed for the majority of my life, sadly).

In regards to my ‘claiming’ to be insane: this was wrong and somewhat idiotic. However, as a child I had suicidal tendencies and depressive episodes. These were not without causes, however, I try to not think or know them. (Even when I know them, I find no need to explain them, as even those close to me would say: my life was by far not the worst of any- why should I dwell? I agree, and so when I do, it is only inside my head, and never will I (fingers crossed) ever verbalize it, as if it changes anything.)

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